Storytime
I posted on my private blog an entry that I thought deserved to be here, too. To connect the dots, per say, if you’re thinking about bedtime stories, this is a great idea. As it stands, my son is very interested in reading before bed (mainly thanks to my amazing wife). Though, we’ve recently come to believe he’s using some of his requests (“Book! Book!”) to delay bedtime. For now, we’re happy to read a few little books to him, but His Story is going to be a new addition very soon.
This post is *not* an “adoption” post, but I tagged it as such to encourage adoptive parents to share parenting techniques with the friends who have birth children. I’ve come to believe that the majority of adoptive parenting is just …parenting… but there are a lot of good ideas that have come out of adoptive parenting that parents can use. that’s more or less the context of the post.
Here’s the original:
One suggestion for helping a child define themselves is to give them their story. Now, again, I don’t think this is an adoptive-parent-only-thing. I think every child should be told their story. (grammatically, that should be His Story, huh? and I should speak in the singular…). He should know that he was wanted and is wanted and will always be wanted. He should know that his parents worked hard to prepare for his arrival and even harder to care for him once he arrived. He should have stories of his life not only so that he knows the story of who he is, but that he knows that his parents know who he is.
So, that actually basically tells you how to “write” your child’s story. The hard part is telling it. There are a few things to keep in mind. Any sound effects will be required EVERY time you tell the story, so make sure you’re willing to make the airplane sound or doctor’s voice EVERY time. Secondly, you’ll probably tell it often and it will need to be the same (like his favorite book) every time. Thirdly, as he gets older, it’ll get more interesting… it’ll have to… and there will be questions… so be prepared. But, all of this is great for bonding and conversation and the chance to get inside his little heart to his fears, concerns, and worries and validate him, reassure him, protect him and care for him accordingly.
I suppose for adopted kids, the story has the opportunity to fill in what they might perceive as gaps in their life. More importantly, I think it illustrates their life a one whole story and reminds them that their adoption is just a part in that story, not the whole thing. Perhaps most importantly, for any kid, it reminds them that they are writing a story… that there’s a big picture… and you know where you’ve been, now where are you heading?
So, if you’re a parent or going to be, consider writing the story of your child(ren). It’s never too late… Ok, well, maybe teenagers might be too late, but it’s still worth a shot. I think any kid would want to hear the story where he’s the main character. Heck, even as an adult, I wouldn’t mind hearing my parents tell my story from their perspective. If my dad let his guard down by getting taken away in the story, I would expect to hear about emotions he felt and never expressed (or expressed properly)…
Anyway, I was saying: Consider writing your kid’s story and TELL him the story! Let him see himself through your eyes… you might tell them something he didn’t know. He may not realize just how proud you are of him or about how much you care about his hurts or how just deeply you really love him. You may be surprised that he might want to hear more… If you’re a relatively new or going to be a parent, start writing now…
Start a blog so your journal of his life is as accessible as the internet (and as easy to search!). If you want it private, make it private and just don’t tell anyone about it or accept any users! Or, better yet, you and your spouse could be the only ones who know about it and posting to it. Draw or post pictures (what’s a story without pictures, right!?). For soon-to-be parents, just record what’s going on and what you’re feeling so that in a couple of years, you can start telling him the simple, baby version of his story. And, as the years go on, you’ve got all the reference material you need to indulge his curious questions and expand his story appropriately with his age. For already parents, take the time to write it… it’ll become a love letter of sorts, filled with fond memories, and don’t forget to tell him his story after you’ve written it.
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